I was changing my value system and what I believed in order to be with somebody, and none of that can make a relationship that's not working really work. ~ Marc Jacobs, quoted in New York magazine 8/13/07 issue
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
no scrubs
real love doesn't hurt. i realized that no matter how much i tried to convince myself that *maybe* it could hurt just a little bit, there's no running away from the truth. love shouldn't hurt and it shouldn't feel like a lonely battle. one day i'm going to be with someone who can offer me more than i can offer myself ~ i want a beyonce equivalent to Jay-Z, hehe. and the love will feel right, ridiculously painLESS. =)
I deserve the best, no less ~ the best.
I deserve the best, no less ~ the best.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
MCAT prep
so far, it has taught me (besides from a shitload of g-chem, verbal, physics)...
the value of AMBITION (and also the sexy factor of it, lol)
part of me really wants to fast forward 10 years to see where I'm going to end up - just to see if all my hard work gets me anywhere, and whether poor decisions from today and the past will actually retard my tomorrow. obviously, it's an admirable quality to be generous and selfless but after losing sight of myself many times during these really important college years, i'm starting to think it's never worth putting yourself on the backshelf. hopefully this is the last time that i'm going to relearn this lesson.
i'm not satisfied with the idea of being another minion, i don't want to meander aimlessly through life. i would lose too much by living that way. i want to make bold, confident strides. i want to be somebody who makes a difference, cheesy as it sounds. and i guess it starts here - a blessing in disguise.
i have massive ambitions and the process of trying to achieve them can get overwhelming, but i think it's time to be brave and just attack head-on, instead of hiding behind fleeting, frivolous comforts. those comforts are temporary, and it leads to a lot of wasted time and energy. my failures, on the other hand, will stick with me for life.
the value of AMBITION (and also the sexy factor of it, lol)
part of me really wants to fast forward 10 years to see where I'm going to end up - just to see if all my hard work gets me anywhere, and whether poor decisions from today and the past will actually retard my tomorrow. obviously, it's an admirable quality to be generous and selfless but after losing sight of myself many times during these really important college years, i'm starting to think it's never worth putting yourself on the backshelf. hopefully this is the last time that i'm going to relearn this lesson.
i'm not satisfied with the idea of being another minion, i don't want to meander aimlessly through life. i would lose too much by living that way. i want to make bold, confident strides. i want to be somebody who makes a difference, cheesy as it sounds. and i guess it starts here - a blessing in disguise.
i have massive ambitions and the process of trying to achieve them can get overwhelming, but i think it's time to be brave and just attack head-on, instead of hiding behind fleeting, frivolous comforts. those comforts are temporary, and it leads to a lot of wasted time and energy. my failures, on the other hand, will stick with me for life.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
http://letterstocrushes.com/
June 14
matt,
When I say “rawr” I really mean that I love you. Thought I should let you know.
— Lizz
----------------
frat boy,
i wish you wouldn’t tell me how much you like me when you’re blacked out. because i believe you. but it’s pretty hard to bring up something you’ll never remember saying.
— red-haired girl
matt,
When I say “rawr” I really mean that I love you. Thought I should let you know.
— Lizz
----------------
frat boy,
i wish you wouldn’t tell me how much you like me when you’re blacked out. because i believe you. but it’s pretty hard to bring up something you’ll never remember saying.
— red-haired girl
Sunday, June 14, 2009
So I was dancing around this morning and my mom looks at me in all
seriousness "comb your hair!!!"
seriousness "comb your hair!!!"
Omg I thought I had???
We're going shopping for dayworkers now that jonny and twins are gone
llol love them for all their help but we still need a lot of manpower. I anticipate an
awkward car ride to the apt - mom, dad, me + 2 dayworkers.
Best,
Erica
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
sometimes admitting defeat is a bigger blow to the ego than the defeat itself. after so much contemplation and tears and heartache, i should have learned to listen to myself. i should have taken all the uncertainty as a sign to end things; yet, i held on... because one look at his face and i knew how hard it would be to lose him. i never used to believe in being friends with an ex, but coming out of this relationship, that is the only way that i can see us continuing. i dont want to cut him out of my life - nor could i imagine it. but to be together - it wasn't right. it was so hard to force romance because it didn't belong there. i guess when you're so comfortable, you want to settle in, but perhaps it's not completely reasonable.
i haven't clearly explained to my friends why it ended, and to be honest, i don't really know how. but in my heart, i feel that it is right. and my mind is finally at peace - no more worrying, no more frustrated deliberation, and no more waiting late at night. i may not be completely happy at the moment - still mourning what i lost. no more cuddles, kisses, sushi dates - but those were just the motions of a relationship. deep down, we knew emotionally we were out of sync. i wasn't happy anymore. i didn't feel how i used to, and neither did he. but how could you admit that to someone you care so much about? i feel like we've come full circle. we started as friends, turned into a couple, and now gradually the puppy love wore away and we really were just friends who were too afraid to leave a comfortable relationship and maybe lose each other forever. realistically, maybe we can't dive right into friendship and act like we weren't in a committed relationship for almost a year, but i know that eventually our friendship will probably bring me more happiness than our relationship ever did. i know i will be happier this way. i havent learned to be "by myself" in a long time, and perhaps it is time to really find out what i need. there are no bitter feelings - no regret, maybe some pain. but that's normal. surprisingly i am grateful. grateful for a mature and calm ending to what was a great relationship. grateful for many wonderful memories, and grateful that he was not selfish and tried his hardest to make it work - just as i did. it's hard to pretend like i don't feel a void -- and i'm not going to. he was a giant part of my life, and i know that his presence in my life will never be as strong as it used to be. but i'm glad we got out before it got worse.
dont worry though - you'll always be in my heart. i hope that i'll still be in yours.
i haven't clearly explained to my friends why it ended, and to be honest, i don't really know how. but in my heart, i feel that it is right. and my mind is finally at peace - no more worrying, no more frustrated deliberation, and no more waiting late at night. i may not be completely happy at the moment - still mourning what i lost. no more cuddles, kisses, sushi dates - but those were just the motions of a relationship. deep down, we knew emotionally we were out of sync. i wasn't happy anymore. i didn't feel how i used to, and neither did he. but how could you admit that to someone you care so much about? i feel like we've come full circle. we started as friends, turned into a couple, and now gradually the puppy love wore away and we really were just friends who were too afraid to leave a comfortable relationship and maybe lose each other forever. realistically, maybe we can't dive right into friendship and act like we weren't in a committed relationship for almost a year, but i know that eventually our friendship will probably bring me more happiness than our relationship ever did. i know i will be happier this way. i havent learned to be "by myself" in a long time, and perhaps it is time to really find out what i need. there are no bitter feelings - no regret, maybe some pain. but that's normal. surprisingly i am grateful. grateful for a mature and calm ending to what was a great relationship. grateful for many wonderful memories, and grateful that he was not selfish and tried his hardest to make it work - just as i did. it's hard to pretend like i don't feel a void -- and i'm not going to. he was a giant part of my life, and i know that his presence in my life will never be as strong as it used to be. but i'm glad we got out before it got worse.
dont worry though - you'll always be in my heart. i hope that i'll still be in yours.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
how do you tell the difference between lack of passion and comfort?
how do you know if you've just settled versus gotten comfortable?
does no communication - no text, no call - mean he's not thinking of you?
am I not giving it a fair shot? Do i not see your progress?
Am i the one to blame or is this just a lost cause?
does the good outweigh the bad?
is the frustration justified by the happiness?
what if an honest effort on your part isn't even close to being enough for me?
you're afraid, but of what?
the pain of being lonely or the pain of losing me?
if it's the former, then you must go through it.
pain can be good. ironic as it sounds.
because the healing helps you close up chapters of your life.
maybe this chapter needs to be finished
don't lie and drag me through this.
you can make me happy
but you refuse to.
the greatest disappointment to date.
no longer can defend the pain of being with you
this time, this time for real
i'm looking out for myself.
how do you know if you've just settled versus gotten comfortable?
does no communication - no text, no call - mean he's not thinking of you?
am I not giving it a fair shot? Do i not see your progress?
Am i the one to blame or is this just a lost cause?
does the good outweigh the bad?
is the frustration justified by the happiness?
what if an honest effort on your part isn't even close to being enough for me?
you're afraid, but of what?
the pain of being lonely or the pain of losing me?
if it's the former, then you must go through it.
pain can be good. ironic as it sounds.
because the healing helps you close up chapters of your life.
maybe this chapter needs to be finished
don't lie and drag me through this.
you can make me happy
but you refuse to.
the greatest disappointment to date.
no longer can defend the pain of being with you
this time, this time for real
i'm looking out for myself.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Spring Sing Winner
I tell a lie when I can’t say nothing else
It’s better to keep quiet in the end
I got lost for a lack of a better word
And it became my second nature to pretend
People need to be needed
And I needed to know you needed me
Cuz when love comes along, well I can’t say no
And if nothing goes wrong, then I can’t let go
It’s the kind of addiction
The sort of affliction
And I can’t find a cure
~ taking it day by day. one thing i noticed is that i still feel the same emptiness as i did then.. not more, not less.. the same.
but i know that it's okay to feel like this, i'm supposed to feel this way now. it wasn't right to feel like this before. and i guess that's one of the only comforting aspects of it all.
they say big hearts break easy, but i strongly believe in the healing powers of time and the resilience of the heart. proud to say that there isn't much regret or hard feelings, just that quiet sorrow that is pretty standard in all endings, when you're learning to cope with it all fading away.
i gave it my all, and for most of the time, i felt rewarded for it. near the end, i felt as though my heart was standing alone. i still tried to live as "in the moment" as i could and appreciated every happy second. there were many of those... but now it's time to look out for myself and my future.
It’s better to keep quiet in the end
I got lost for a lack of a better word
And it became my second nature to pretend
People need to be needed
And I needed to know you needed me
Cuz when love comes along, well I can’t say no
And if nothing goes wrong, then I can’t let go
It’s the kind of addiction
The sort of affliction
And I can’t find a cure
~ taking it day by day. one thing i noticed is that i still feel the same emptiness as i did then.. not more, not less.. the same.
but i know that it's okay to feel like this, i'm supposed to feel this way now. it wasn't right to feel like this before. and i guess that's one of the only comforting aspects of it all.
they say big hearts break easy, but i strongly believe in the healing powers of time and the resilience of the heart. proud to say that there isn't much regret or hard feelings, just that quiet sorrow that is pretty standard in all endings, when you're learning to cope with it all fading away.
i gave it my all, and for most of the time, i felt rewarded for it. near the end, i felt as though my heart was standing alone. i still tried to live as "in the moment" as i could and appreciated every happy second. there were many of those... but now it's time to look out for myself and my future.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
stuck in limbo
maybe, you thought, you could stick it out, but you tried.
and many tears later, you realize it is unreasonable, unfair and painful
torture, almost.
you realize just how finite time really is
and knowing that it is spent disproportionately,
with the more important things getting the bigger shares
you easily realize your place on the list of priorities
you feel the elation of being promoted up on the list
and eventually the frustration of being demoted
part of you understands, part of you doesn't
it's like the shiny new toy versus the good old standby
but overall, you know it's not enough
so you consider letting go
but you realize it means too much to give up
you can't.. and don't want to let it go
you know there is so much potential
and you want things to work so badly
actually, you could have what you want
but it's not ideal, more like a shadow of the real thing
so you could have what your heart really wants
but at the expense of some of your happiness.
could you ever realistically settle for that?
you wonder why words are so easy to say
but actions are so hard to execute
you believe in his big heart and good intentions
you try to take in those earnest words with good faith
but in the end, they must be legitimized with action
and if they aren't, then they don't really count.
no matter how sweet they were
it is so strange that two people can see things so differently
the other person may live carefree with time happily passing by
when you feel like you are playing a horrible waiting game
you wonder why you are suddenly at the wrong place, wrong time
when just a little while ago, you were at the right place, right time
there's no right way to go.
at the moment, there is no painless way either.
and there is probably no point in talking about it.
your heart says one thing, your reason says the opposite.
you're stuck in limbo.
and it's frustrating, heartbreaking.
and many tears later, you realize it is unreasonable, unfair and painful
torture, almost.
you realize just how finite time really is
and knowing that it is spent disproportionately,
with the more important things getting the bigger shares
you easily realize your place on the list of priorities
you feel the elation of being promoted up on the list
and eventually the frustration of being demoted
part of you understands, part of you doesn't
it's like the shiny new toy versus the good old standby
but overall, you know it's not enough
so you consider letting go
but you realize it means too much to give up
you can't.. and don't want to let it go
you know there is so much potential
and you want things to work so badly
actually, you could have what you want
but it's not ideal, more like a shadow of the real thing
so you could have what your heart really wants
but at the expense of some of your happiness.
could you ever realistically settle for that?
you wonder why words are so easy to say
but actions are so hard to execute
you believe in his big heart and good intentions
you try to take in those earnest words with good faith
but in the end, they must be legitimized with action
and if they aren't, then they don't really count.
no matter how sweet they were
it is so strange that two people can see things so differently
the other person may live carefree with time happily passing by
when you feel like you are playing a horrible waiting game
you wonder why you are suddenly at the wrong place, wrong time
when just a little while ago, you were at the right place, right time
there's no right way to go.
at the moment, there is no painless way either.
and there is probably no point in talking about it.
your heart says one thing, your reason says the opposite.
you're stuck in limbo.
and it's frustrating, heartbreaking.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Coachella
mental note: going to try to make Coachella next year
it is wayyy inland and straight up in the boonies (Indio, CA... eh?) but judging from all the pictures and the artist lineup.. it sounds like it would be a weekend to remember!!
and if not for the music, then for the hipster and celebrity watching. :)
it is wayyy inland and straight up in the boonies (Indio, CA... eh?) but judging from all the pictures and the artist lineup.. it sounds like it would be a weekend to remember!!
and if not for the music, then for the hipster and celebrity watching. :)
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
MK
she is the reason i got those black mocs in the first place but i never wear them because i just cant figure out how to wear socks with them without looking like dork!
and doesnt her sweater look so snuggly? i want!
and i also have the JS rip off of these shoes:
neither of them are getting any wear! =O
best acronym eva
DILLIGAF
Do
I
Look
Like
I
Give
A
Fuck
... DILLIGAF
it's like sesame street for grown-ups
another good one that ellen texted me some random day during first year (and i remember LOLing on the spot)
SNAFU
Situation
Now
All
Fucked
Up
... SNAFU
other vocab text lessons from ellen...
clusterfucked - doomed to the very end
shitstormed - series of unfortunate events... i've been using this one a lot lately. HAHA
Do
I
Look
Like
I
Give
A
Fuck
... DILLIGAF
it's like sesame street for grown-ups
another good one that ellen texted me some random day during first year (and i remember LOLing on the spot)
SNAFU
Situation
Now
All
Fucked
Up
... SNAFU
other vocab text lessons from ellen...
clusterfucked - doomed to the very end
shitstormed - series of unfortunate events... i've been using this one a lot lately. HAHA
Head to Toe
I'm doing research on Zara for my Writing class and the company is HUGE - thousands of stores internationally and a leader in the sweeping "Fast fashion" trend. When i think of "fast fashion", i automatically think of Forever21 - a company who has had countless lawsuits for copyright infringement and now - an upcoming trial will decide not the individual case of copyright infringement but, in general, whether or not Forever21 rips off the designs of top fashion houses. this could have implications not only for forever21 but every company like it. First thing that comes across in my mind is "DUH, they're total copycats!", and the next thought that pops up is "NOOO". I really hope that they don't lose this one. Yes, sometimes the rip off is SO blatant but as i look down at my outfit, everything ~ my top, my pants, my tank top - is from Forever21. Forever21 has given countless access to lookalike designs that otherwise would be out of reach. i feel kinda dumb about expressing my love for this store, but i'm just getting sentimental/nervous about the the future of my favorite fast fashion store.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
girls on the dance floor
i take a shot of Patron
two shots then it's on
3 shots, 4 shots, 5 shots
oh shit, i think i'm gone!
Friday, April 10, 2009
today!
things that matter most must NEVER be at the mercy of things which matter least
- always getting these great quotes from Eng Comp 100W!
quick recap:
1. went to lab at 11:30am --> left at 8:00pm
i regret not having done more homework during downtime in lab but i just couldn't help myself. i found out about this Firefox extension called LEECHBLOCK and essentially you can tell your firefox how long you should be allowed to spend at a certain website... i.e. you can tell it to allow you to go on facebook for 15 minutes every 2 hours.. something like that. i want to give it a try but at the same time, i can see myself desperately trying to undo the settings!
all this downtime is also why i've posted so frequently. i dont even know who reads this, which is sort of weird, but whatever, i like to post random things!
8 hours pass by pretty quickly in lab, albeit there are certain stretches of time where i'm completely panic striken and confused.
2. gender health day is tomorrow!
Kara: it better not rain on our day!
kelly: well, it was supposed to rain today (Wednesday) but it didn't
Kara: hopefully mother nature is not saving up for a shitstorm on friday.
AHAHAHHA. oh well, we're under the protection of many many canopies.
3. tomorrow is also Felix's birthday!
- the PI of my lab. i seriously love my lab, everyone is so nice and chill - we always have birthday cake and parties for every big holiday you can think of = drinking at inappropriate hours of the day. sangria at noon, tequila shots at 4pm. you name it - i've suffered the consequences =P. went to CLASS lab once tipsy from RESEARCH lab and proceeded to break many breakable objects. anyway, all this fun is probably due to the fact that it's almost all women in there!
4.my summer is going to be interesting, to say the least. i'm going to be study for my MCATs and taking women's studies courses as well so i can mooch on that financial aid. (jk, i really do need it.) but my Session A class is called pornography and evolution! seriously i dont even feel weird or uncomfortable taking that class anymore. if wom std has done anything for me, it has made me a lot less conservative/shy about speaking about certain things.
5. i feel as if i've been having a streak of bad luck/unfortunate evects. i get bummed at times but i always end up realizing that all that sulking will be time wasted.
case in point,
- Britney Spears concert is the day BEFORE my phy sci midterm. i really was shocked when i looked up those dates on the calendar. we got these tickets back in fall quarter and of course, i'm shit out of luck! currently trying to switch to the Staples Center show in LA the Thursday before. praying that someone responds. I really really want to go and of course with ellen you know it would be a bomb ass time, but there are many things to consider besides fun - my grade in that class perhaps? i really wish it was one of my other cake classes but it HAD to be the one that i NEED an A in. FML, right? Britney will tour again - my grade? one time hit or miss. agh.
I genuinely believe that academics is my absolute priority right now, but at the same time, i often wonder how many things and how many times I am supposed to sacrifice before i start to regret. and when I do choose to sacrifice, what happens when there isnt really a fruitful return for my labors? HOWEVER, nothing sucks more than half-assing and then wondering ~
... other than that, i'm really content.
watch the fates bite me in the ass for saying this!
- always getting these great quotes from Eng Comp 100W!
quick recap:
1. went to lab at 11:30am --> left at 8:00pm
i regret not having done more homework during downtime in lab but i just couldn't help myself. i found out about this Firefox extension called LEECHBLOCK and essentially you can tell your firefox how long you should be allowed to spend at a certain website... i.e. you can tell it to allow you to go on facebook for 15 minutes every 2 hours.. something like that. i want to give it a try but at the same time, i can see myself desperately trying to undo the settings!
all this downtime is also why i've posted so frequently. i dont even know who reads this, which is sort of weird, but whatever, i like to post random things!
8 hours pass by pretty quickly in lab, albeit there are certain stretches of time where i'm completely panic striken and confused.
2. gender health day is tomorrow!
Kara: it better not rain on our day!
kelly: well, it was supposed to rain today (Wednesday) but it didn't
Kara: hopefully mother nature is not saving up for a shitstorm on friday.
AHAHAHHA. oh well, we're under the protection of many many canopies.
3. tomorrow is also Felix's birthday!
- the PI of my lab. i seriously love my lab, everyone is so nice and chill - we always have birthday cake and parties for every big holiday you can think of = drinking at inappropriate hours of the day. sangria at noon, tequila shots at 4pm. you name it - i've suffered the consequences =P. went to CLASS lab once tipsy from RESEARCH lab and proceeded to break many breakable objects. anyway, all this fun is probably due to the fact that it's almost all women in there!
4.my summer is going to be interesting, to say the least. i'm going to be study for my MCATs and taking women's studies courses as well so i can mooch on that financial aid. (jk, i really do need it.) but my Session A class is called pornography and evolution! seriously i dont even feel weird or uncomfortable taking that class anymore. if wom std has done anything for me, it has made me a lot less conservative/shy about speaking about certain things.
5. i feel as if i've been having a streak of bad luck/unfortunate evects. i get bummed at times but i always end up realizing that all that sulking will be time wasted.
case in point,
- Britney Spears concert is the day BEFORE my phy sci midterm. i really was shocked when i looked up those dates on the calendar. we got these tickets back in fall quarter and of course, i'm shit out of luck! currently trying to switch to the Staples Center show in LA the Thursday before. praying that someone responds. I really really want to go and of course with ellen you know it would be a bomb ass time, but there are many things to consider besides fun - my grade in that class perhaps? i really wish it was one of my other cake classes but it HAD to be the one that i NEED an A in. FML, right? Britney will tour again - my grade? one time hit or miss. agh.
I genuinely believe that academics is my absolute priority right now, but at the same time, i often wonder how many things and how many times I am supposed to sacrifice before i start to regret. and when I do choose to sacrifice, what happens when there isnt really a fruitful return for my labors? HOWEVER, nothing sucks more than half-assing and then wondering ~
... other than that, i'm really content.
watch the fates bite me in the ass for saying this!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
“It is for this reason that most of us would rather love than be loved. Almost everyone wants to be the lover. And the curt truth is that, in a deep secret way, the state of being beloved is intolerable to many. The beloved fears and hates the lover, and with the best of reasons. For the lover is forever trying to strip bare his beloved. The lover craves any possible relation with the beloved, even if this experience can cause him only pain.”
- Carson McCullers, The Ballad of the Sad Cafe
- Carson McCullers, The Ballad of the Sad Cafe
Sunday, April 5, 2009
hehe
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it sure makes the rest of you lonely.”
- Charlie Brown
- Charlie Brown
Friday, April 3, 2009
Honest Tea
would you rather look stupid or cynical?
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
currently...
gaga-obsessed. ( sorry helen!! )
p.s. her eyelashes are peeking out on top of her bangs. HAH feROSH!
Monday, March 30, 2009
more Gaga
It's good to live expensive
You know it, but my knees get weak intensive
When you give me k-kisses
That's money, honey
You know it, but my knees get weak intensive
When you give me k-kisses
That's money, honey
Hi, Spring!
omggg, almost left an entire pile of my school stuff on the cafeteria table! totally stopped dead in my tracks and ran back to get it. i don't know how that even happened. a bright red notebook and a hot pink folder.. eh, if i'm going to be this clumsy the rest of the quarter, i'm going to have problems!! i really have this huge fear of losing things. when things are misplaced, i totally freak out until i find it. r.i.p. iphone earphones, i'll never know where yalls went!!
so anyway it was probably just because i was rushing to turn in my research eval from last quarter that was due 2 Wednesdays ago... at least i even remembered to turn it in!!
anyway, i then casually peruse facebook and caught something on my home page that was pretty traumatizing!!
Sherwin Li just f*cked his own bed. (his status)
James Paul Spellicy comments: and you loved it and will do it again this evening.
mind you, Mr. Spellicy is one of our econ teachers from high school. and sherwin... is my brother. HAHA. i dont know, i just found this exchange quite disturbing and inappropriate!!!
one more class from 3-6pm and first day of school is ova!!
so anyway it was probably just because i was rushing to turn in my research eval from last quarter that was due 2 Wednesdays ago... at least i even remembered to turn it in!!
anyway, i then casually peruse facebook and caught something on my home page that was pretty traumatizing!!
Sherwin Li just f*cked his own bed. (his status)
James Paul Spellicy comments: and you loved it and will do it again this evening.
mind you, Mr. Spellicy is one of our econ teachers from high school. and sherwin... is my brother. HAHA. i dont know, i just found this exchange quite disturbing and inappropriate!!!
one more class from 3-6pm and first day of school is ova!!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
no shame!
Lets have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
...disco stick??? haha!
678-999-8212
i had a surprisingly good time in LA, despite initially being bitter about having to leave SF so early.
i was kinda glad i was in the apt alone for most of the daytime because i think it looked a hot mess with me sewing frantically with pieces of hair extension laying everywhere. i made my own clip ins for fun. pieces of hair got everyfuckin'where and i had to run around with a lint roller afterwards to clean up my mess! anyways, it was still a good way to pass the day.
i was excited for spring quarter to start but as it crawls closer, i'm not really anymore. going to class is fine.. it's just the non-stop extracurricular meetings that are killer and soo draining. my schedule looks pretty empty - as if i haven't finished signing up for classes yet. I assumed that I didn't get an internship i interviewed for because they never got back to me, but the professor contacted me over break and then ensued a chain of confusing emails which just ended with him telling me to see him the first day of class to clear up the matter. i'm taking more North Campus classes than South Campus for the first time eva! and i don't have classes on Friday so i can reserve it for research :). i hope everyone who took MCATs today came out alive and kickin'!! wishing them all the best =)
anyways, saw a bunch of little boppers on campus today waiting in line for the kids choice awards. i watched some of it on TV and im so shocked at the grandeur of the set up & stage when PCD performed. you can't even tell it's Pauley.. but then again i haven't been inside there more than 3 times so maybe i don't remember what it really looks like!
saw a few movies this week:
He's Just Not That Into You - such a cute movie!! the general message is very very honest. most girls and all the shitty things that happen to them - that's the rule. the girl who gets her happy ending despite the shitty circumstances - she's the exception. i found the main girl (Ginnifer Goodwin?) to be soo annoying and pathetic. she was relatable because i think all girls could see a part of themselves in that character, but the combination of all those traits - wow, irritating. i think it's ironic that almost all the girls become an "exception" in the end - which i think totally negates the point they were trying to make in the first place. but yeah, who wants to watch a movie where everyone ends up heartbroken and sad in the end... gotta instill a little hope in people ya know!
I Love You, Man - soooooooooo funny, sooooo awkward. surprised that i ended up loving it. loves it. loves it!
The Family Man - an oldie. watched it today on hulu.com... a movie about values.. materialism + emptiness vs. simplicity+happiness. the age-old conflict! loved it. tea leoni is so pretty!
i used this makeup remover that blurs my eyesight. umm, that's not good is it? i literally feel like i'm going blind! it's probably because the oil got on my eyeball or something.. yeah, perhaps i should stop using it.
i'm in LOVEE with bow wow, soulja boy, mario right now - you know, that kind of music. In "Kiss Me Thru The Phone", soulja boy raps a phone number so we decide to call it and some dude picked up. shocked, i hung up right away and start laughing hysterically. omg! i wonder who that was. we googled it and theres actually several threads pondering the same question. some naive young'ns really think it's soulja boy! hahaha... some think it's the hotline..? maybe? anyway, the area code is Atlanta, GA. i feel bad for that guy if he's just some random dude that happens to have that phone number!!!
does anyone else think Soulja Boy and Sammie look alike - or is that totally racist of me??? -____-
currently, i want to go karaoke-ing and sing/rap Kiss Me Thru the Phone at the top of my lungs.. i'm so in love with that song. Also, I just started liking Come Over - Estelle + Sean Paul. it's.. like... sensual, HAHA.
yep - my thoughts are so disorganized! good night all!
clueless lookin' picture of me - but just wanted to show my (temporary) long hair!
i was kinda glad i was in the apt alone for most of the daytime because i think it looked a hot mess with me sewing frantically with pieces of hair extension laying everywhere. i made my own clip ins for fun. pieces of hair got everyfuckin'where and i had to run around with a lint roller afterwards to clean up my mess! anyways, it was still a good way to pass the day.
i was excited for spring quarter to start but as it crawls closer, i'm not really anymore. going to class is fine.. it's just the non-stop extracurricular meetings that are killer and soo draining. my schedule looks pretty empty - as if i haven't finished signing up for classes yet. I assumed that I didn't get an internship i interviewed for because they never got back to me, but the professor contacted me over break and then ensued a chain of confusing emails which just ended with him telling me to see him the first day of class to clear up the matter. i'm taking more North Campus classes than South Campus for the first time eva! and i don't have classes on Friday so i can reserve it for research :). i hope everyone who took MCATs today came out alive and kickin'!! wishing them all the best =)
anyways, saw a bunch of little boppers on campus today waiting in line for the kids choice awards. i watched some of it on TV and im so shocked at the grandeur of the set up & stage when PCD performed. you can't even tell it's Pauley.. but then again i haven't been inside there more than 3 times so maybe i don't remember what it really looks like!
saw a few movies this week:
He's Just Not That Into You - such a cute movie!! the general message is very very honest. most girls and all the shitty things that happen to them - that's the rule. the girl who gets her happy ending despite the shitty circumstances - she's the exception. i found the main girl (Ginnifer Goodwin?) to be soo annoying and pathetic. she was relatable because i think all girls could see a part of themselves in that character, but the combination of all those traits - wow, irritating. i think it's ironic that almost all the girls become an "exception" in the end - which i think totally negates the point they were trying to make in the first place. but yeah, who wants to watch a movie where everyone ends up heartbroken and sad in the end... gotta instill a little hope in people ya know!
I Love You, Man - soooooooooo funny, sooooo awkward. surprised that i ended up loving it. loves it. loves it!
The Family Man - an oldie. watched it today on hulu.com... a movie about values.. materialism + emptiness vs. simplicity+happiness. the age-old conflict! loved it. tea leoni is so pretty!
i used this makeup remover that blurs my eyesight. umm, that's not good is it? i literally feel like i'm going blind! it's probably because the oil got on my eyeball or something.. yeah, perhaps i should stop using it.
i'm in LOVEE with bow wow, soulja boy, mario right now - you know, that kind of music. In "Kiss Me Thru The Phone", soulja boy raps a phone number so we decide to call it and some dude picked up. shocked, i hung up right away and start laughing hysterically. omg! i wonder who that was. we googled it and theres actually several threads pondering the same question. some naive young'ns really think it's soulja boy! hahaha... some think it's the hotline..? maybe? anyway, the area code is Atlanta, GA. i feel bad for that guy if he's just some random dude that happens to have that phone number!!!
does anyone else think Soulja Boy and Sammie look alike - or is that totally racist of me??? -____-
currently, i want to go karaoke-ing and sing/rap Kiss Me Thru the Phone at the top of my lungs.. i'm so in love with that song. Also, I just started liking Come Over - Estelle + Sean Paul. it's.. like... sensual, HAHA.
yep - my thoughts are so disorganized! good night all!
clueless lookin' picture of me - but just wanted to show my (temporary) long hair!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
today.
seriously, my blog is just like music videos. i find them the easiest way to convey my thoughts anyway.
(ghetto) hookah is fun. spiced WARM wine is not. karaoke is sooo fun. chugging Skyy Citrus on the floor.... in the corner... is even more fun. all the effects of these vices combined... not fun. i'm slightly nauseated but i think it was totally worth it.
one last day tomorrow. doing something classically SF and classically sushii - downtown shopping and lunch. i'm so sad that half my break is going to be spent in LA, doing pretty much nothing, but i figure that i'll save money that way and also get a little more prepared for school. :)
p.s. got some of my grades back. happy but also pissed. oh well. i tried. next time will be better.
(ghetto) hookah is fun. spiced WARM wine is not. karaoke is sooo fun. chugging Skyy Citrus on the floor.... in the corner... is even more fun. all the effects of these vices combined... not fun. i'm slightly nauseated but i think it was totally worth it.
one last day tomorrow. doing something classically SF and classically sushii - downtown shopping and lunch. i'm so sad that half my break is going to be spent in LA, doing pretty much nothing, but i figure that i'll save money that way and also get a little more prepared for school. :)
p.s. got some of my grades back. happy but also pissed. oh well. i tried. next time will be better.
Bopper.
everyone likes this song. everyone. (even guys, you know who you is! HAHA)
Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you, please don't go
And I said,
Romeo, save me they're tryna tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story, baby just say yes
Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you, please don't go
And I said,
Romeo, save me they're tryna tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story, baby just say yes
Monday, March 23, 2009
Emergency Room
do you not think it is totally inappropriate for this song to be released now?
You gone be in the Emergency Room
You standing by my bed
And so-tempted to pull out my IV
You gone be in the Emergency Room
I'm fightin' with myself
I can't hurt you even though you hurt me
-------
insomniac. help.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
home sweet home
coming home is always interesting. there's a strange re-adjusting period because i'm not used to being around family. my immediate family is amazing, but it's my extended family that makes me feel so weighed down. i automatically feel less free when i'm at home - literally, because i dont have a car & i'm not really living near any of my friends. and figuratively, because i'm hearing my aunties talk about how they have so these expectations and "suggestions" for how i should play out my future.
i know i'm supposed to live my life how i want, but when they tell me this is what my career, husband, family should be like in 10 or 20 years - and with my mom nodding her head in agreement with them, i can't help but think that the decisions that i'm probably going to make will disappoint them. family is so important to me. what they think, want, say - i take it all into consideration because i do respect them a lot but sometimes i just wonder - why do i have to be this certain kind of doctor? why do i have to be with this certain kind (*race*) of guy? it is infuriating and frustrating because i feel like there are a few really close-minded people in my family and as much as i could try to explain myself to them, i feel it would be a waste of my time because i don't think that i need to defend any of my actions in the first place - and ultimately, they would never understand and talk smack anyway.
this is why i keep a lot of things from my family. Regardless of how important or eager i am to share my life with them, i suspect that they will never accept the truth of my reality and instead constantly judge the fact that i'm not doing it their way - instead of reveling in my decisions along with me. and really, that's just all unnecessary DRAMA. they do believe that i have a good head on my shoulders but it's because they think i want all the same things for myself that they want for me... and that really isn't true. i wish i could be a lot more candid about who i really am in front of them but i feel like i'm in such a liberal place in my life now that they won't be able to fully trust my perspective and may instead attribute it to some kind of angsty rebel phase. i feel like it would just be invasive to let too much of my personal life leak out... i really don't want them to sound that difficult. and for people who has had family who is supportive/apathetic, it may be hard to understand. it is just ridiculous. sometimes i'd rather they be more "whatevs" than so involved.. i wish i could not care what they think but bottom line, they are family and they super matter and last thing i want to do is disappoint them, but i feel like i'm not the one that's going to meet their standards. i'm just different - perhaps my brother can fill that spot.
i grew up in SF and my family is here, and i wish i could say that i want to come back to the bay after undergad/grad school for work/school. but the more i think about it, the more i realize i don't. after talking to janice today, im thinking that perhaps SF is not a perfect match for me. i never expected that i would love LA as much as i have grown to love it, or experience this level of freedom and independence and clarity. i definitely want to take advantage of my time left here, since i'm probably going to have to leave it come time for grad school.
i know i'm supposed to live my life how i want, but when they tell me this is what my career, husband, family should be like in 10 or 20 years - and with my mom nodding her head in agreement with them, i can't help but think that the decisions that i'm probably going to make will disappoint them. family is so important to me. what they think, want, say - i take it all into consideration because i do respect them a lot but sometimes i just wonder - why do i have to be this certain kind of doctor? why do i have to be with this certain kind (*race*) of guy? it is infuriating and frustrating because i feel like there are a few really close-minded people in my family and as much as i could try to explain myself to them, i feel it would be a waste of my time because i don't think that i need to defend any of my actions in the first place - and ultimately, they would never understand and talk smack anyway.
this is why i keep a lot of things from my family. Regardless of how important or eager i am to share my life with them, i suspect that they will never accept the truth of my reality and instead constantly judge the fact that i'm not doing it their way - instead of reveling in my decisions along with me. and really, that's just all unnecessary DRAMA. they do believe that i have a good head on my shoulders but it's because they think i want all the same things for myself that they want for me... and that really isn't true. i wish i could be a lot more candid about who i really am in front of them but i feel like i'm in such a liberal place in my life now that they won't be able to fully trust my perspective and may instead attribute it to some kind of angsty rebel phase. i feel like it would just be invasive to let too much of my personal life leak out... i really don't want them to sound that difficult. and for people who has had family who is supportive/apathetic, it may be hard to understand. it is just ridiculous. sometimes i'd rather they be more "whatevs" than so involved.. i wish i could not care what they think but bottom line, they are family and they super matter and last thing i want to do is disappoint them, but i feel like i'm not the one that's going to meet their standards. i'm just different - perhaps my brother can fill that spot.
i grew up in SF and my family is here, and i wish i could say that i want to come back to the bay after undergad/grad school for work/school. but the more i think about it, the more i realize i don't. after talking to janice today, im thinking that perhaps SF is not a perfect match for me. i never expected that i would love LA as much as i have grown to love it, or experience this level of freedom and independence and clarity. i definitely want to take advantage of my time left here, since i'm probably going to have to leave it come time for grad school.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
THank you, Magazine Gods!
coppin' this next issue. LOVEEEEE me some blair waldorf, queen bee action !
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
auditory system and nutrition. I actually picked up some interesting
facts, which i'm going to turn into advice to live life. Haha, so pick
a topic and we can discuss!! I know yalls are probably itching to know
about the romantic relationships chapter ;)
HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!!
in celebration... these green beauties by Jil Sander! Did i tell you guys i bought a similar Royal Blue pair from Nine West a while back? Well, long story short, I broke them, HAHA. fail. sad :(
going to Irish Catholic St. Anne's, i quickly got the perception that St. Patty's Day was as big as Christmas. Of course, now that i'm in college, I can hardly remember.. until i come across an overzealous celebrator and get pinched by them...i.e. Yuki from lab!
in high school, i found a four-leaf clover in that field between lowell and the stonestown parking lot. i put it in a book to press it but true to form, i have no idea where i put the book or even which book it was in, for that matter...oops.
anyway, how appropriate to have a day of *luck* during finals week. today's the last push before my double whammy finals tmrw and i am seriously hoping all this will pay off because i've never studied so consistently and so long to study for finals (which is bad because i should have been working like this since first year, haha).
maybe i will celebrate by taking a *little* sip of Bailey's tonight. =]
p.s. today's weather is amazing ~ which explains why i'm in such a good mood. seriously, there's nothing like fresh spring air (well, as fresh as city air can get) and a bright, happy sun! AND i finally woke up early enough to get to the library at an acceptable hour (10am) so, yay!
Monday, March 16, 2009
the female way
Term: Rumination
definition: talking about or trying to figure out their negative feelings
rumination increases depression in three ways:
1. interferes with instrumental, productive behavior
2. makes other negative feelings and negative memories more salient
3. leads people to make pessimistic explanations for negative events
by contrast, men are more likely than women to respond by playing sports and avoiding thoughts about the reasons for their depression, a.k.a. distraction
Psychology of Gender, Chapter 13: Mental Health
definition: talking about or trying to figure out their negative feelings
rumination increases depression in three ways:
1. interferes with instrumental, productive behavior
2. makes other negative feelings and negative memories more salient
3. leads people to make pessimistic explanations for negative events
by contrast, men are more likely than women to respond by playing sports and avoiding thoughts about the reasons for their depression, a.k.a. distraction
Psychology of Gender, Chapter 13: Mental Health
Sunday, March 15, 2009
ugh i hate CSOs (fake po-po equivalent for library patrol)
getting all power hungry, barkin' at us to take out our IDs and dispose of our food
uuuum, are you trying to kill us college students?!
if i'm going to be sitting in the lib for 12 hours.. i'm going to need to eat! shouldn't be okay if i'm careful and clean? hmph.
sorry if you're a CSO and you somehow stumble upon this.. but you guys are meen -__-
on another note, i really need to walk around or something. my ass feels like a pancake from sitting for so long. and my brain feels like dough!!! ahhhhhhh. well, i had facebook tetris to refresh it :)
p.s. isn't that the cutest banner ever? except i wouldn't really want to be kissing a guy who read Men's Vogue... hmmm, questionable. [i think they stopped running it anyway, not enough metrosexuals around to subscribe!]
getting all power hungry, barkin' at us to take out our IDs and dispose of our food
uuuum, are you trying to kill us college students?!
if i'm going to be sitting in the lib for 12 hours.. i'm going to need to eat! shouldn't be okay if i'm careful and clean? hmph.
sorry if you're a CSO and you somehow stumble upon this.. but you guys are meen -__-
on another note, i really need to walk around or something. my ass feels like a pancake from sitting for so long. and my brain feels like dough!!! ahhhhhhh. well, i had facebook tetris to refresh it :)
p.s. isn't that the cutest banner ever? except i wouldn't really want to be kissing a guy who read Men's Vogue... hmmm, questionable. [i think they stopped running it anyway, not enough metrosexuals around to subscribe!]
Saturday, March 14, 2009
update
F My Life.com's slogan:
My life sucks but I don't give a fuck
AHAHAHA
anyway, day #4 in the library ~ it is packed beyond belief!
(pc:nitrolicious)
i always end up staring at this picture, and on a recent trip to Zara with ellen, i saw them in person!!! i would like to say that these are necessary but with a $169 price tag... too rich for my blood! i'm going to buy that nailpolish though. :)
My life sucks but I don't give a fuck
AHAHAHA
anyway, day #4 in the library ~ it is packed beyond belief!
(pc:nitrolicious)
i always end up staring at this picture, and on a recent trip to Zara with ellen, i saw them in person!!! i would like to say that these are necessary but with a $169 price tag... too rich for my blood! i'm going to buy that nailpolish though. :)
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
OMFGGGGG fuck you hair cells.
faaaaack facccck fack.
that is all i would like to say about academics.
i'm sad that i don't like chris brown anymore. i've been listening to his songs on Pandora and they're so good! apparently him and Riri are back together. According to my Psych of Gender class, about 1/3 of women stay in an abusive relationship. =[
The MacBook i borrowed from CLICC is so weird. they're all like this.. the buttons are opposite from my laptop at home... and right click doesnt work. and god knows how many greasy& germy hands have touched the keys before me!! pure nastiness. haha!
today's weather was perfect. sunny but breezy. perf. perf. perf.
i love research. it's so exciting to see what i get when i look under the scope. it's a really nice balance - the experiment itself is so simple but in the last step, you image with an incredibly advanced, mind-bogglingly complicated machine. it's crazzzy. i love it. but i hate how time-consuming it is. bittersweet.
i blog a lot when im studying. HAHAHA
faaaaack facccck fack.
that is all i would like to say about academics.
i'm sad that i don't like chris brown anymore. i've been listening to his songs on Pandora and they're so good! apparently him and Riri are back together. According to my Psych of Gender class, about 1/3 of women stay in an abusive relationship. =[
The MacBook i borrowed from CLICC is so weird. they're all like this.. the buttons are opposite from my laptop at home... and right click doesnt work. and god knows how many greasy& germy hands have touched the keys before me!! pure nastiness. haha!
today's weather was perfect. sunny but breezy. perf. perf. perf.
i love research. it's so exciting to see what i get when i look under the scope. it's a really nice balance - the experiment itself is so simple but in the last step, you image with an incredibly advanced, mind-bogglingly complicated machine. it's crazzzy. i love it. but i hate how time-consuming it is. bittersweet.
i blog a lot when im studying. HAHAHA
im pretty sure she started it...
in response to..
We are living in a material world with selfish, self-absorbed, self-motivated human beings who only care about self-advancement and unsentimental material trends.
oh well! how boring would life be? HAHA
i like this.
"Jack of all trades and master of none."
sorry all my entries have been quotes only but they pretty much get my point across. =]
p.s. got new black suede boots because mine are over 2 years old and apparently have holes because my feet & socks somehow got wet while i was trudging through the rain yesterday.
p.p.s. i want to give bright red lips a try.
p.p.p.s. i also want to try honey colored contacts, just for fun ~
judgement [week] is coming. i seriously hate finals, because it is then when i always lose my grade i.e. A- --> B+... blah
sorry all my entries have been quotes only but they pretty much get my point across. =]
p.s. got new black suede boots because mine are over 2 years old and apparently have holes because my feet & socks somehow got wet while i was trudging through the rain yesterday.
p.p.s. i want to give bright red lips a try.
p.p.p.s. i also want to try honey colored contacts, just for fun ~
judgement [week] is coming. i seriously hate finals, because it is then when i always lose my grade i.e. A- --> B+... blah
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
rushing like an idiot
as much as you'd like to think you've learned your lesson, it will always come back with a refresher course.
You will be as much value to others as you have been to yourself.
You will be as much value to others as you have been to yourself.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Mad
It's all for nothing
fighting for nothing
crying for nothing
but we won't let it go for nothing
this should be nothing to a love like what we got
i don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And i don't want you to go to bed mad at me
Friday, February 27, 2009
The Scarlet Letter
No man for any considerable period can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
DK, please reunite!!
Lately, I've been trying to fight
whatever's pulling us under
it's got a hold and really making me wonder
what it takes to get through
I gotta stick with you, my baby
Don Antonio's was fuckin delicious!!! and our waiter hooked it up with the sangria, hilarious <3
short photo recap of last night:
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
time and punishment ~
And I remember the time my balance was fine
And I was just walking on one fine wire
paper is due in 2hours, couldnt sleep but couldnt write and now im here.
edit 3:45pm: the day's recap
didn't work on the paper until 4am,
wasn't focusing, felt bummed
decided to take a nap - BAD idea
then ensued a pathetic battle with my alarm clock
waking up every 20 minutes to hit the snooze
7:30 am, finally muster the strength to even sit up
started really writing at 9am
paper printed 11:35am
got to class at 12:05
~ whew!!
went to help out at the last hour of the Global Volunteer Fair. But I ran into Alex and basically just hung out with him in the back, eating cheese cubes.
The fair was a success though. All the reps loved it and a lot of students came. I'm so proud! yay, all our hard work paid off! Next year will be even better!
now in lab... waiting for my PI to check out my images.. which i think came out crappy... eep.
Don Antonio's tonight with Katie, MC in true SPEIDI style! HAHAHA it's $1 taco night. best belieeeeeeve i'm going to get my fill!
And I remember the time my balance was fine
And I was just walking on one fine wire
paper is due in 2hours, couldnt sleep but couldnt write and now im here.
edit 3:45pm: the day's recap
didn't work on the paper until 4am,
wasn't focusing, felt bummed
decided to take a nap - BAD idea
then ensued a pathetic battle with my alarm clock
waking up every 20 minutes to hit the snooze
7:30 am, finally muster the strength to even sit up
started really writing at 9am
paper printed 11:35am
got to class at 12:05
~ whew!!
went to help out at the last hour of the Global Volunteer Fair. But I ran into Alex and basically just hung out with him in the back, eating cheese cubes.
The fair was a success though. All the reps loved it and a lot of students came. I'm so proud! yay, all our hard work paid off! Next year will be even better!
now in lab... waiting for my PI to check out my images.. which i think came out crappy... eep.
Don Antonio's tonight with Katie, MC in true SPEIDI style! HAHAHA it's $1 taco night. best belieeeeeeve i'm going to get my fill!
Current Mood: random
^ I currently feel like this... if only I looked like it too!
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I'd let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
those concerts are probably why my hearing is so shitty but i still love this song. <3
------------
Pon and Zi!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Daily (hopefully) Photo Blog
And of course, I'm critiquing the shit out of the show's
overall message even though that's pretty much the main reason I love the series so much. Ahhh, contradictions!
P.S. "Ambivalence" has been one of my favorite words ever since Mrs.
O'Reilly taught it to me in the 8th grade so I could it use it in my autobiographical blurb for the graduation memory book. Hahaha
Friday, February 20, 2009
COLORGENICS.COM
You are longing for some love and affection at this time - not that you have been deprived of tender loving care - but there are times when everyone needs to try something new or to go 'somewhere' else to perhaps experience that little extra 'understanding'.
Now there are many things in life that you require as essential to your well-being but, try as you may, something always seems to be getting in your way. A word of advice - 'keep trying' and you may be pleasantly surprised to see just how matters turn out.
You need a friend - a close friend - and you are willing to become emotionally involved with the right person, but you are very demanding and particular in your choice of partners. You are constantly looking for reassurance and it is perhaps because of this that you tend to be somewhat argumentative, but you try to hold back - careful to avoid open conflict - since this might reduce your prospects of realising your hopes of establishing a warm caring relationship.
You are trying to prove yourself - not only to yourself but also to everyone around you. There is much that you would like to say and do but the situation warrants self-restraint and that is the last thing that you have on your mind. It would seem that you have an unsatisfied need to ally yourself with others whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to stand out from the crowd. This is subjecting you to considerable stress but you tend to stick to your attitudes despite lack of appreciation. Of course, you are finding the situation uncomfortable and would like nothing better but to break away from it but you don't like the idea of compromise. Your main problem is that you are unable to resolve the situation because you continually postpone making the necessary decisions. You feel that if you make the wrong choice this would lead to such opposition that you would not be able to command the esteem of others. It is essential that those around you are prepared to comply with your wishes.
You are greatly impressed by individuality and have interest in people who have outstanding qualities. You try to imitate those people that you admire and their characteristics, hoping that you will be able to display similar qualities in your own personality.
Now there are many things in life that you require as essential to your well-being but, try as you may, something always seems to be getting in your way. A word of advice - 'keep trying' and you may be pleasantly surprised to see just how matters turn out.
You need a friend - a close friend - and you are willing to become emotionally involved with the right person, but you are very demanding and particular in your choice of partners. You are constantly looking for reassurance and it is perhaps because of this that you tend to be somewhat argumentative, but you try to hold back - careful to avoid open conflict - since this might reduce your prospects of realising your hopes of establishing a warm caring relationship.
You are trying to prove yourself - not only to yourself but also to everyone around you. There is much that you would like to say and do but the situation warrants self-restraint and that is the last thing that you have on your mind. It would seem that you have an unsatisfied need to ally yourself with others whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to stand out from the crowd. This is subjecting you to considerable stress but you tend to stick to your attitudes despite lack of appreciation. Of course, you are finding the situation uncomfortable and would like nothing better but to break away from it but you don't like the idea of compromise. Your main problem is that you are unable to resolve the situation because you continually postpone making the necessary decisions. You feel that if you make the wrong choice this would lead to such opposition that you would not be able to command the esteem of others. It is essential that those around you are prepared to comply with your wishes.
You are greatly impressed by individuality and have interest in people who have outstanding qualities. You try to imitate those people that you admire and their characteristics, hoping that you will be able to display similar qualities in your own personality.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Hai, School's a bitch
... hopefully that's a good enough reason to explain my absence.
p.s. how many thangs are perfect with this snapshot?... infinite!
p.s. i will work on getting one of those "25 random facts about me" lists done. i feel like the simple task of cranking out a few random nuggets about myself will not be easy for me! probably because it is so deliberate. and being random isn't being random if it's deliberate, is it?... i'm going to post it here though because there are wayy too many random acquaintances on FB.
anyway, really disappointed with my performance in school. i'm supposed to be getting A's and messing up early on in the quarter just makes it that much harder to get there. we shall see.
be back soon i hope <3 :)
p.s. how many thangs are perfect with this snapshot?... infinite!
p.s. i will work on getting one of those "25 random facts about me" lists done. i feel like the simple task of cranking out a few random nuggets about myself will not be easy for me! probably because it is so deliberate. and being random isn't being random if it's deliberate, is it?... i'm going to post it here though because there are wayy too many random acquaintances on FB.
anyway, really disappointed with my performance in school. i'm supposed to be getting A's and messing up early on in the quarter just makes it that much harder to get there. we shall see.
be back soon i hope <3 :)
Sunday, January 18, 2009
wtf?
i'm in a foul mood and even i'm taken back by it
i was in a great mood earlier... at the lunar year festival VNLC put on - watching lion dancing, modern.. etc.
but suddenly got smacked by sleepiness, a distractingly full bladder, blinding fluorescent lights at Ralphs, getting attitude from the cashier, and then returning home to the prospect of staying up all night reading and writing an analysis on "Induction of sodium channel clustering by oligodendrocytes"... and probably having to wake up early tomorrow [3-day weekend] to go into lab to do my research... all this just made my mood sour.
i just want to sleep -____-
also, just paid off my credit card bill and it was unfathomably $$$ just for this month. had no idea it was going to be so much. wish my parents could help pay for it, but of course i'm not even supposed to have a credit card at this moment so that is completely out of the question.
i'm going to listen to some Lady Gaga to elevate my mood a little =P
my new fav song is Beautiful Dirty Rich. obvi, i love the title.
i was in a great mood earlier... at the lunar year festival VNLC put on - watching lion dancing, modern.. etc.
but suddenly got smacked by sleepiness, a distractingly full bladder, blinding fluorescent lights at Ralphs, getting attitude from the cashier, and then returning home to the prospect of staying up all night reading and writing an analysis on "Induction of sodium channel clustering by oligodendrocytes"... and probably having to wake up early tomorrow [3-day weekend] to go into lab to do my research... all this just made my mood sour.
i just want to sleep -____-
also, just paid off my credit card bill and it was unfathomably $$$ just for this month. had no idea it was going to be so much. wish my parents could help pay for it, but of course i'm not even supposed to have a credit card at this moment so that is completely out of the question.
i'm going to listen to some Lady Gaga to elevate my mood a little =P
my new fav song is Beautiful Dirty Rich. obvi, i love the title.
mantra
life is pretty much a series of constant upgrades, materialistically and philosophically speaking
... never settle for less!
how could you ever regret that? =P
Friday, January 9, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
The City
ummm, can i say how much i love The City? i totally expected to hate it. i don't care if it's staged or whatever, Whitney is awesome. nice, fashionable, cute!
that olivia girl is a hottie, but she's got nothing to do but scowl like a bitch and obsessively mention Jay every 10 seconds. ickk.
and obvi, new york city emanates a much more different energy - a more chic, sophisticated, and subtle edge.
<3
speaking of new york city, my dad had to fly there last minute on new years eve. so he spent the first few hours of 2009 on a Boeing 747. must have been all confusing since he was crossing time zones..
anyway on a more serious note, the reason he had to go was because my grandma found out that she has stage 3 breast cancer, and she was scheduled to go through chemo asap, which was today. i called in a few times to check on her, and my dad says she is being really strong. i'm really worried about her because she's 80 years old; she doesn't have that much energy anymore and chemo is really going to drain her.
I always beat myself up for not seeing my grandma enough. it's really hard to bring myself to call her because after we hang up, i always feel so bummed. my grandpa passed away march 2007 SO unexpectedly, and it is still the most heartbreaking thing to have ever happened to me. the guilt & shock just made it that much harder to deal with, and i can honestly say i will never get over it completely. the last time i saw him was 3 months prior to his passing, and i always wish that i could have squeezed in an extra visit. i want to visit my grandma more often but with my schedule and the distance, it becomes so hard. i am looking forward to spring break.
~ i love my grandma.
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