stuck in limbo

maybe, you thought, you could stick it out, but you tried.
and many tears later, you realize it is unreasonable, unfair and painful
torture, almost.

you realize just how finite time really is
and knowing that it is spent disproportionately,
with the more important things getting the bigger shares
you easily realize your place on the list of priorities
you feel the elation of being promoted up on the list
and eventually the frustration of being demoted
part of you understands, part of you doesn't
it's like the shiny new toy versus the good old standby
but overall, you know it's not enough

so you consider letting go
but you realize it means too much to give up
you can't.. and don't want to let it go
you know there is so much potential
and you want things to work so badly

actually, you could have what you want
but it's not ideal, more like a shadow of the real thing
so you could have what your heart really wants
but at the expense of some of your happiness.
could you ever realistically settle for that?

you wonder why words are so easy to say
but actions are so hard to execute
you believe in his big heart and good intentions
you try to take in those earnest words with good faith
but in the end, they must be legitimized with action
and if they aren't, then they don't really count.
no matter how sweet they were


it is so strange that two people can see things so differently
the other person may live carefree with time happily passing by
when you feel like you are playing a horrible waiting game
you wonder why you are suddenly at the wrong place, wrong time
when just a little while ago, you were at the right place, right time


there's no right way to go.
at the moment, there is no painless way either.
and there is probably no point in talking about it.
your heart says one thing, your reason says the opposite.
you're stuck in limbo.
and it's frustrating, heartbreaking.

obviously, i have a midterm tm

DIY DIY!!!

Coachella

mental note: going to try to make Coachella next year

it is wayyy inland and straight up in the boonies (Indio, CA... eh?) but judging from all the pictures and the artist lineup.. it sounds like it would be a weekend to remember!!

and if not for the music, then for the hipster and celebrity watching. :)

Fresh

Do not repeat chapters, for the ending of the story never changes.

MK

she is the reason i got those black mocs in the first place but i never wear them because i just cant figure out how to wear socks with them without looking like dork!

and doesnt her sweater look so snuggly? i want!


and i also have the JS rip off of these shoes:




neither of them are getting any wear! =O

best acronym eva

DILLIGAF

Do
I
Look
Like
I
Give
A
Fuck


... DILLIGAF


it's like sesame street for grown-ups



another good one that ellen texted me some random day during first year (and i remember LOLing on the spot)

SNAFU

Situation
Now
All
Fucked
Up

... SNAFU

other vocab text lessons from ellen...

clusterfucked - doomed to the very end
shitstormed - series of unfortunate events... i've been using this one a lot lately. HAHA

Head to Toe

I'm doing research on Zara for my Writing class and the company is HUGE - thousands of stores internationally and a leader in the sweeping "Fast fashion" trend. When i think of "fast fashion", i automatically think of Forever21 - a company who has had countless lawsuits for copyright infringement and now - an upcoming trial will decide not the individual case of copyright infringement but, in general, whether or not Forever21 rips off the designs of top fashion houses. this could have implications not only for forever21 but every company like it. First thing that comes across in my mind is "DUH, they're total copycats!", and the next thought that pops up is "NOOO". I really hope that they don't lose this one. Yes, sometimes the rip off is SO blatant but as i look down at my outfit, everything ~ my top, my pants, my tank top - is from Forever21. Forever21 has given countless access to lookalike designs that otherwise would be out of reach. i feel kinda dumb about expressing my love for this store, but i'm just getting sentimental/nervous about the the future of my favorite fast fashion store.

girls on the dance floor

i take a shot of Patron
two shots then it's on
3 shots, 4 shots, 5 shots
oh shit, i think i'm gone!

today!

things that matter most must NEVER be at the mercy of things which matter least
- always getting these great quotes from Eng Comp 100W!

quick recap:

1. went to lab at 11:30am --> left at 8:00pm

i regret not having done more homework during downtime in lab but i just couldn't help myself. i found out about this Firefox extension called LEECHBLOCK and essentially you can tell your firefox how long you should be allowed to spend at a certain website... i.e. you can tell it to allow you to go on facebook for 15 minutes every 2 hours.. something like that. i want to give it a try but at the same time, i can see myself desperately trying to undo the settings!

all this downtime is also why i've posted so frequently. i dont even know who reads this, which is sort of weird, but whatever, i like to post random things!

8 hours pass by pretty quickly in lab, albeit there are certain stretches of time where i'm completely panic striken and confused.

2. gender health day is tomorrow!

Kara: it better not rain on our day!
kelly: well, it was supposed to rain today (Wednesday) but it didn't
Kara: hopefully mother nature is not saving up for a shitstorm on friday.

AHAHAHHA. oh well, we're under the protection of many many canopies.

3. tomorrow is also Felix's birthday!
- the PI of my lab. i seriously love my lab, everyone is so nice and chill - we always have birthday cake and parties for every big holiday you can think of = drinking at inappropriate hours of the day. sangria at noon, tequila shots at 4pm. you name it - i've suffered the consequences =P. went to CLASS lab once tipsy from RESEARCH lab and proceeded to break many breakable objects. anyway, all this fun is probably due to the fact that it's almost all women in there!

4.my summer is going to be interesting, to say the least. i'm going to be study for my MCATs and taking women's studies courses as well so i can mooch on that financial aid. (jk, i really do need it.) but my Session A class is called pornography and evolution! seriously i dont even feel weird or uncomfortable taking that class anymore. if wom std has done anything for me, it has made me a lot less conservative/shy about speaking about certain things.

5. i feel as if i've been having a streak of bad luck/unfortunate evects. i get bummed at times but i always end up realizing that all that sulking will be time wasted.

case in point,
- Britney Spears concert is the day BEFORE my phy sci midterm. i really was shocked when i looked up those dates on the calendar. we got these tickets back in fall quarter and of course, i'm shit out of luck! currently trying to switch to the Staples Center show in LA the Thursday before. praying that someone responds. I really really want to go and of course with ellen you know it would be a bomb ass time, but there are many things to consider besides fun - my grade in that class perhaps? i really wish it was one of my other cake classes but it HAD to be the one that i NEED an A in. FML, right? Britney will tour again - my grade? one time hit or miss. agh.

I genuinely believe that academics is my absolute priority right now, but at the same time, i often wonder how many things and how many times I am supposed to sacrifice before i start to regret. and when I do choose to sacrifice, what happens when there isnt really a fruitful return for my labors? HOWEVER, nothing sucks more than half-assing and then wondering ~




... other than that, i'm really content.

watch the fates bite me in the ass for saying this!

<3

rawr.
(aka 'i love you' in dinosaur)

We were never meant to be, we just happened.

“It is for this reason that most of us would rather love than be loved. Almost everyone wants to be the lover. And the curt truth is that, in a deep secret way, the state of being beloved is intolerable to many. The beloved fears and hates the lover, and with the best of reasons. For the lover is forever trying to strip bare his beloved. The lover craves any possible relation with the beloved, even if this experience can cause him only pain.”

- Carson McCullers, The Ballad of the Sad Cafe

hehe

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it sure makes the rest of you lonely.”

- Charlie Brown

Honest Tea

"optimism can make you look stupid, but cynicism always makes you look cynical." - calum fisher

would you rather look stupid or cynical?