MCAT prep

so far, it has taught me (besides from a shitload of g-chem, verbal, physics)...

the value of AMBITION (and also the sexy factor of it, lol)

part of me really wants to fast forward 10 years to see where I'm going to end up - just to see if all my hard work gets me anywhere, and whether poor decisions from today and the past will actually retard my tomorrow. obviously, it's an admirable quality to be generous and selfless but after losing sight of myself many times during these really important college years, i'm starting to think it's never worth putting yourself on the backshelf. hopefully this is the last time that i'm going to relearn this lesson.

i'm not satisfied with the idea of being another minion, i don't want to meander aimlessly through life. i would lose too much by living that way. i want to make bold, confident strides. i want to be somebody who makes a difference, cheesy as it sounds. and i guess it starts here - a blessing in disguise.

i have massive ambitions and the process of trying to achieve them can get overwhelming, but i think it's time to be brave and just attack head-on, instead of hiding behind fleeting, frivolous comforts. those comforts are temporary, and it leads to a lot of wasted time and energy. my failures, on the other hand, will stick with me for life.

http://letterstocrushes.com/

June 14

matt,

When I say “rawr” I really mean that I love you. Thought I should let you know.

— Lizz

----------------

frat boy,

i wish you wouldn’t tell me how much you like me when you’re blacked out. because i believe you. but it’s pretty hard to bring up something you’ll never remember saying.

— red-haired girl

So I was dancing around this morning and my mom looks at me in all
seriousness "comb your hair!!!"

Omg I thought I had???

We're going shopping for dayworkers now that jonny and twins are gone
llol love them for all their help but we still need a lot of manpower. I anticipate an
awkward car ride to the apt - mom, dad, me + 2 dayworkers.

Best,
Erica

sometimes admitting defeat is a bigger blow to the ego than the defeat itself. after so much contemplation and tears and heartache, i should have learned to listen to myself. i should have taken all the uncertainty as a sign to end things; yet, i held on... because one look at his face and i knew how hard it would be to lose him. i never used to believe in being friends with an ex, but coming out of this relationship, that is the only way that i can see us continuing. i dont want to cut him out of my life - nor could i imagine it. but to be together - it wasn't right. it was so hard to force romance because it didn't belong there. i guess when you're so comfortable, you want to settle in, but perhaps it's not completely reasonable.

i haven't clearly explained to my friends why it ended, and to be honest, i don't really know how. but in my heart, i feel that it is right. and my mind is finally at peace - no more worrying, no more frustrated deliberation, and no more waiting late at night. i may not be completely happy at the moment - still mourning what i lost. no more cuddles, kisses, sushi dates - but those were just the motions of a relationship. deep down, we knew emotionally we were out of sync. i wasn't happy anymore. i didn't feel how i used to, and neither did he. but how could you admit that to someone you care so much about? i feel like we've come full circle. we started as friends, turned into a couple, and now gradually the puppy love wore away and we really were just friends who were too afraid to leave a comfortable relationship and maybe lose each other forever. realistically, maybe we can't dive right into friendship and act like we weren't in a committed relationship for almost a year, but i know that eventually our friendship will probably bring me more happiness than our relationship ever did. i know i will be happier this way. i havent learned to be "by myself" in a long time, and perhaps it is time to really find out what i need. there are no bitter feelings - no regret, maybe some pain. but that's normal. surprisingly i am grateful. grateful for a mature and calm ending to what was a great relationship. grateful for many wonderful memories, and grateful that he was not selfish and tried his hardest to make it work - just as i did. it's hard to pretend like i don't feel a void -- and i'm not going to. he was a giant part of my life, and i know that his presence in my life will never be as strong as it used to be. but i'm glad we got out before it got worse.

dont worry though - you'll always be in my heart. i hope that i'll still be in yours.