wtf?

i'm in a foul mood and even i'm taken back by it


i was in a great mood earlier... at the lunar year festival VNLC put on - watching lion dancing, modern.. etc.

but suddenly got smacked by sleepiness, a distractingly full bladder, blinding fluorescent lights at Ralphs, getting attitude from the cashier, and then returning home to the prospect of staying up all night reading and writing an analysis on "Induction of sodium channel clustering by oligodendrocytes"... and probably having to wake up early tomorrow [3-day weekend] to go into lab to do my research... all this just made my mood sour.

i just want to sleep -____-

also, just paid off my credit card bill and it was unfathomably $$$ just for this month. had no idea it was going to be so much. wish my parents could help pay for it, but of course i'm not even supposed to have a credit card at this moment so that is completely out of the question.

i'm going to listen to some Lady Gaga to elevate my mood a little =P
my new fav song is Beautiful Dirty Rich. obvi, i love the title.

mantra

life is pretty much a series of constant upgrades, materialistically and philosophically speaking


... never settle for less!


how could you ever regret that? =P

as someone who tends to expect the worst from people, i dont know what i'm doing putting my trust in them

what a test of faith

The City

ummm, can i say how much i love The City? i totally expected to hate it. i don't care if it's staged or whatever, Whitney is awesome. nice, fashionable, cute!

that olivia girl is a hottie, but she's got nothing to do but scowl like a bitch and obsessively mention Jay every 10 seconds. ickk.

and obvi, new york city emanates a much more different energy - a more chic, sophisticated, and subtle edge.

<3

speaking of new york city, my dad had to fly there last minute on new years eve. so he spent the first few hours of 2009 on a Boeing 747. must have been all confusing since he was crossing time zones..

anyway on a more serious note, the reason he had to go was because my grandma found out that she has stage 3 breast cancer, and she was scheduled to go through chemo asap, which was today. i called in a few times to check on her, and my dad says she is being really strong. i'm really worried about her because she's 80 years old; she doesn't have that much energy anymore and chemo is really going to drain her.

I always beat myself up for not seeing my grandma enough. it's really hard to bring myself to call her because after we hang up, i always feel so bummed. my grandpa passed away march 2007 SO unexpectedly, and it is still the most heartbreaking thing to have ever happened to me. the guilt & shock just made it that much harder to deal with, and i can honestly say i will never get over it completely. the last time i saw him was 3 months prior to his passing, and i always wish that i could have squeezed in an extra visit. i want to visit my grandma more often but with my schedule and the distance, it becomes so hard. i am looking forward to spring break.

~ i love my grandma.