Growing Pains

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same - The Fray

i remember last year.. i was going through what i thought was the worst thing to ever happened to me at that point in my life. at the time, i couldnt see how any of it was "for the best" or that it was "for a reason"... and i remember feeling numb as i sat there replaying events over and over again in my mind.

but now i can assuredly say that that 'horrible' event turned out to be the healthiest and best best BEST thing that has ever happened to me.

obvi i can relate to that feeling.. when the heartbreak is still so fresh and poignant and you just feel soooo DAMN lost.. but i realized that anger and sorrow should be fleeting emotions; otherwise, they are incredibly draining and damaging. i realized that there was no reason to resist moving forward because going back was no longer an option. it is so natural, even essential, to be at this state.. but one should try to look forward.. in order to successfully transition from broken, abused girl to strong, independent woman.


in the end, i realized i wasn't grieving over a "lost love", i was tending a shattered ego. i kinda wished that i was crying over losing a wonderful boyfriend, but i wasn't. i was broken because i was embarrassed by how much i had let myself down. in the end, what he did wasn't just his fault but mine too - by being with someone so wrong for me and for letting someone convince me that i (this applies to every girl) was anything less than precious. to finally admit that to myself, it was liberating. when i finally paid attention to what was actually hurting, that's when the real healing started.

hurt, cry, scream in a pillow, talk (a little) shit, recount all the bad times, cherish the good times, but realize that they don't outweigh the abuse... release it ALL... and move on.